Secret Sunday- Last Year In Review (Part One)

 

I posted this on my Life In Quotations blog last month as a recap of secrets that were sent to me last year. I'm posting it for any of you who are new, and will do the second installment next Sunday. I'll be making Secret Sundays a regular feature here as well.  Here goes...

For the first time in my life I am sleeping with 2 different men, during the same period, and they don't know about each other. But I'm still single.

I have a horrible feeling I'm going to cry myself to sleep tonight...

Here is my one and major secret that I have never told anyone, I REGRET getting married, I was pushed into it. The only reason I stay is because I truly feel I have no other choice, I have to make this work and push mysefl to a better future then I will divorce this man, no questions asked, on the mean time I consider having sex with other men, all the time, it makes me crazy after all I am only 21.........

I had an abortion last summer, because I don't have a job and I'm really young to have kids, and I feel it is the worst mistake of my life. Now I feel like I don't have the right to have them in the future.

There are so many men in my life and they're all useless, yet I like them being around

I get exhausted trying to make everyone else happy.

I feel trapped in a passionless marriage... a best friend, but no passion, a great provider but no passion.

I'm dreading Sunday...

I have a hard time staying true to myself. I find myself changing to please others.

I think I might be pregnant.

I think my boyfriend is the biggest jerk in the world. I just don't tell him.

I wish more people would depend on me and make me care after them.This way it wont be a crime if i needed attention or leaned on any one....

I like to watch others fail. it makes me feel better

I'm getting tired of trying to take care of myself and someone else.

I want to make out with a girl...

I sometimes wish I lived in Canada to be closer to you. Nothing romantic, just.. A conversation over coffee or a walk by the lake. That would make me the happiest person ever. :)

I am in love with someone who does not love me back. He just pretended for four years. He revealed that secret to me last night.

I think I was in an emotional abusive relationship and didn't realize it. I think he really damaged me than I even realized. This sucks.

I want some hot, dirty, sex.

So do I....

My secret is that I can't stand crying in front of other people and I'll do everything in my power to bottle it up inside if that means I can avoid being vulnerable. It's silly and stupid, but I've always been that way.

I feel so used in the situation I am currently in. I'm not sure how much more I can handle. I'm tired.

I'd sorta like to get laid tonight

The sweat from your body makes my heart pound.... endlessly. Just thinking of you makes me want you. Want you more every day.... in every way...

I hate my self

My ex boyfriend gave me herpes, its been 7 years and only one outbreak.I wish I didn't have it in my blood stream.Explaining it to my future husband is going to be hard.

I look up to my 14 year old sister when it comes to dating and sex. She has things more together than I do.

For once I'd like a successful date - for me that's one that gets a second date. Its a long way from the finding a fulfilling relationship business...

I am not happy.  and I have to pretend that I am okay because everyone thinks I am this depressed boring person, and I can't take their pathetic questioning looks anymore. I am not happy at all.

I read these posts to see how many people write about sex because I am not having sex.

It's probably bad, but I fantasize from time to time of having sex with two men.

while im at work I think about sex all the time. im glad he didn't get me pregnant 2 weeks ago. im glad i went and got the morning after pill when the condom broke.

It feels as if I've known you forever. Your touch. The sweat dripping from your body when we move in motion. Motions of compassion. Compassion so real. I feel you. You're near. Near to me. I love you, forever. I don't know how to express this emotion. It's taking over my whole body. I can feel it.. I can feel it.. coming and going.. The fire of compassion coming from both of us is so unreal. It is so unreal... I love you!! It feel so real, but this is only a fantasy...

I'm terrified of the next two weeks because if I don't get my period I don't know what I'm going to do. Fuck!

i love 2 ladies in the same time

I am afraid I will have to have open heart surgery. I am young. I am not unhealthy. I do not want this to happen.

I'm really in the mood to get laid.

You're the most amazing person, ever. I tell you that all the time but it feels cool doing it anonymously ;) xx

I always feel misunderstood.

I do too.

I'm afraid to talk to my boyfriend about marriage because I'm afraid he doesn't want to marry me...

i secretly want to have an affair so i can feel alive again....

They love me. I know they truly do. And I have given so much of myself, but I fear that I will be rejected in the end, once again. I could not handle another broken heart at this point and time in my life. There's no way.

I really, REALLY am in the mood for sex tonight...including sucking some cock, too!

I wish I could fill the upcoming manager's position at work...then I could turn around and fire half of our team that contiues to harrass/insult the other hardworking individuals on the team!!!

I have so much family responsibility right now. It is overwhelming. I wish I could run away.

I miss what you used to be my life. Life is good right now or it's supposed to feel good, but I feel empty and alone. I dont know what to do or how to feel anymore.

I wanna die tonight.....

is it a crime to wish to be loved? i wish to find my soul mate and spend the rest of my life with him

I wonder if racism would bother me as much if i was white

I know that you just used me, but that's ok because I just used you, and you are a terrible fuck.

I'm contemplating becoming an expatriot, but I don't think I have enough conviction.

I'm scared that one day I'll lose my hearing.

Honey, I love ya. But truly, it would help if you could find my vajayjay without help. At least ONCE?!

I hate my fucking job

I still love him. I know he rejects me, would never even see me- but today when he was down, i couldnt stop myself from reaching out to him, wishing to comfort him, and finding all love coming back.
am i stupid or pathetic?

I love him so much it hurts. I don't think I'll ever find someone who just made me feel complete. That day when he moved the hair from my face and fucked me awake, i had pretended to be still asleep, I fell in love with him and that was the day he fell out of love with me. I hate him so much that I scream til I ruin my voice box. He doesn't even answer my texts. I wish I could crawl into his arms and have him hold me. I want to feel him put his hands on my face again. but its gone and i want it back so bad.

Tonight I feel like killing myself but wont.

I'm scared to death that I can't get anywhere near my dreams, let alone make them come true.

I am so scared to live without him. I am scared he will leave me behind. I am so frightened of living my life right now. I can't stop crying. I can only pray to God to give me serenity for whatever may come my way.

Even suicide seems like an option.

I want a blog award!!! The more we talk the happier I get. I have faith you wont hurt me...

I miss him. I miss him so much and I can't even tell him. fuck.

I may be in love with a man who is 3000 miles away

I am in love with a man 3000 miles away!!

I love pizza so much!

I still love him.

I used to date a guy that when i bit his lower lip it was like a shot of adrenaline to his dick, he would go nuts after I did it and do everything like a man who was starved for affection and had been on a deserted island for years. It was crazy.

I dreamt of someone last night and in some weird way I feel like I hung out with him cuz he was in my dream and it made me happy. I think I need therapy.

I just want a man to love me.

I get irrationaly angry at women I percieve as sexual threats and men that I am attracted to.  I essentially dislike good-looking people.

I just want everything to be okay. I want us to find our way back to each other. The more time passes, the more scared I get that we are only drifting further away.

I just want to be happy and healthy. Boring but true.

Everytime I think of a couple for one of my posts its always me and him. I'd write the story,but never publish the post. What if he reads it? What if he knew I still think of him?It just aint fair how he moved on, and im stuck here...feeling...dislocated

I dreamt about you last night.  I tried to save you. You still hurt me. I still love you.  It still feels the same after more than a year.

I think I'm feeling better b/c he's sort of back. Is he really or am I just fooling myself? At the same time Idk what I'm doing. I wonder whats going to happen? I'm trying to live in the moment with him, but its hard b/c I feel I'm neglecting the other and it's not fair. Not with everything that's happened.

I'm not sure how much longer I can hang on. Every day is like walking on egg shells. I'm ready for the mess to be settled so "we" can be for a change. Please. I'm growing weary...

It's been over a year. I still miss her, I still regret turning into a prize idiot. Mainly I guess because good things don't always come along, however much you wish them to.